Am I Beautiful?

Like I said last night, I was raised in a family where you cleaned your plate THEN got dessert. Most likely 2 helpings of dessert. But I was always taught I am beautiful no matter what. I truly believe that. I really do. And I think that someone who has the confidence to love themselves has no problem accomplishing anything they put their minds to.

I love to exercise. Sometimes I feel guilty when I'm exercising and not doing my Homemaking jobs. Like ironing, cleaning bathrooms, doing dishes, vacuuming...etc. But this is something I have to do, and those things will have to wait for when I have the time.

Weight Loss/Gain

I really do hate my Skinnyr Graph. Mostly because it tells the truth about this journey I've put myself on. But I want to record it all, that's what this is all about. So once a week or more I will record my current weight.

Genetics?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I come from a very obese family. My Mom is 5' 3" and weighs around 190, my Father is 5' 10" and is probably pushing 250 +, I'm really not sure. My oldest sister is 5' 4" and over 300 lbs. Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Cousins...Everybody!!! Do you get it.

I've never thought that obesity could be genetic, but I do now. I'm not saying it's a disease, no way, what you put in your mouth and what you do with your body has all to do with what you weigh. What I am saying is you metabolism and how easily your body is able to burn calories IS genetic.

I have 3 friends right now who's newborns are all under 1 and they are already at their pre pregnancy weight if not lighter, and this is their 3rd babies...all of them. AUGH!!! My number 4 is 2 1/2 yrs old and I am 12 lbs away to my full term weight with my #1. Do you understand how frustrating that is?

It's all in the genes.

So here's the thing. I know I can get on here and make promises and goals and blah blah blah. But unless I get off my butt, move, and stop putting so much crap in my mouth nothing is going to change.

I know I do not have those easy genes. Obviously. But I do know that when I move, when I exercise I feel better about myself, better about my relationships, I'm a better Mom, I'm more organized, I have confidence in what I do, I make AND accomplish greater goals and everything is just all around better.

It's not just about losing the weight, it's about feeling better about myself and knowing I can do anything I set my mind to.

There is no finally for this Biggest Loser. It's a lifestyle. I want to be happy and healthy. And I know I can't have one with out the other. Oh yes, I can be happy and chubby, but it's not real for me. I know there's always more I can do, there's always progress to be made.

Keep Moving!!!

P90X

I started the Classic Routine with my hubby a few weeks ago, and burned out by Thursday. BLAH!! It's so pathetic. So today I have decided to do the Lean Routine, but not just P90X. I will exercise 45 mins a day either with P90X or with my own routines 5 days a week. So that means Cardio 3 days a week and strength 2 days a week. I really want to see some difference in myself.

The scale is going the wrong direction and there needs to be some change.

Back on Track

I have been a HUGE slacker lately and needed a rev up in my workouts. My hubby and I are working towards starting P90X. I'm scared out of my mind, but I know it'll do wonders for me. So in lew of starting P90X I am eating better. Yesterday was the 1st day in a LONG time that I ate NO, I repeat, NO desserts. I know to some that may seem like nothing, but you would be amazed how many "special occasions" are always creeping up on you.

For example. The day I start my "NO DESSERT DIET" my oldest son has Cub Scout Pack Meeting. Which of course always ends in a treat. This time being huge Rice Crispy Treats. Which I didn't even sneak a bite from my 2 year old.

Oh and add that to the fact my daughter and I got to go out to dinner just the 2 of us, to the Mall Food Court no less. I was strong as iron and walked right past "American Cookie", "Cinnabon" and "Marble Slab Creamery."

Back track a few more hours from that to where I was Pre-School helper. They were served chocolate animal crackers and pure butter microwave popcorn (which I know isn't dessert but still bad for you non the less).

Oh, and let's end the day with my hubby and I's treat for the evening 1-3 bowls of straight sugar cereal, Captain Crunch or Lucky Charms for example. I skipped that too.

I swear dessert is everywhere!! And it's definitely my weakness. But I did it!!! One whole day with NO desserts. It was much harder than I thought it'd be. But I woke up this morning with the scale SMILING at me. I love when those numbers are moving down and not up.

Eating Less Tips

1. Fill up on Low Cal foods First
2. Drink a bottle of water before you start your meal
3. If it's healthy eat lots, if it's not it a TINY bit
4. Focus on what you're eating
5. Wait 10 mins before indulging
6. Fiber rich foods keep you fuller longer
7. Don't eat 3 hours before bed time
8. SLOW DOWN when you eat
9. Become a gum chewer

Exercise or Diet

I was talking with my Hubby last night about my frustrations in the scale not moving. I am exercising 30-45 mins everyday but the scale has not moved in over 2 weeks. He said he thinks weight loss has to do with eating and not exercising. That exercise only strengthens muscle. I'm not entirely sold on that, but I do know plenty of people who have lost more than enough weight by changing their diet alone. Weather it's with Atkins or with Weight Watchers, they've all lost what I need to loose.

So I'm about to embark on some research. Now I'm still going to exercise like I think I need to, but in the mean time I'll be doing some reading. So I'll let you know.

Resolution Update

My Husband and I were talking last night about our New Years Resolutions. After we discussed what he was doing to lose his 15 lbs he had the gall to ask me, "So what are you doing?"

Now in all honesty I would like to lose at least 30 lbs, so his 15 means squat to me right now. When I get to that point I'll have some sympathy for him. But right now I just don't.

So back to the discussion. I rattled of a huge list of what I am doing. For example:

Trying to eat less dessert
Cardio 45 mins a day
Walking the dog at least 40 mins a day (when he's home to watch the kids that is)
Eating more fruits and veggies
Drinking MORE water

I think that list looks pretty good. The annoying part of all that list is, NOTHING'S HAPPENING! I don't know why, I don't understand. But I do feel better on the days I'm consistent. And I really do love to exercise.

Keep MOVING Forward

I've always been a skinny girl. Growing up I ate like a horse and played like one too, I ran all day and all night. So it's no wonder I was so skinny.

I used to look at Fat people, or newer Moms that were starting to get fat and wonder, "Don't they notice what they look like? How do they let themselves look like that? Why don't they do something about it?"

I never knew how hard it was to lose weight, till now. There is a # I keep coming back to 156.2. I am so SICK of seeing that number on the scale. Over the past year I have not been able to even get below 152. I SO want to be back in the 140's and eventually in the 120's. Man! That would be so good.

I'm doing what I can though. I'm exercising as much as I can. I probably could do more, yes, but I am sweating it out every day. I'm not doing the lazy man and just walk around the block. But I'm not always running around the block either.

Keep Moving Forward!

Real Mom

I'm a real Mom with real weight loss issues. I have 4 kids under 9, I don't work, I eat Mac and Cheese for lunch with my kids. I bus my kids all over town for Scouts, Gymnastics, Baseball, Pre-School, Piano...etc. I get up every day at 6:15 and go go go all day till I crash around 11:00. I'm only able to sneak in about 30-60 mins of exercise a day. I do have a free gym membership but money is tight and they don't have free kids room so I don't go. I am able to walk my dog most nights when my hubby is home so there is that.

I could easily say, what's wrong with me. I do all I do but I still don't lose like I want to. So it all comes down to Portion Control and eating the right food. I have to WORST sweet tooth in the world. I LOVE sugar. But I want to replace that sweet desire with a healthy desire. And I don't mean carrots and apples. I mean running, biking, hiking, swimming, in line skating...MOVING! I love to exercise, but I need something different every day.

So that's my goal this week. Try something new everyday, oh! And Ab work, that definitely needs to be in there.

Sabotage

I think I am sabotaging myself. Every day this week I have had HUGE treats, once the kids go to bed. I've really upped my exercise and I think deep down I'm thinking that means it's ok for me to eat more. But it's backfiring. I'm not just staying even but instead gaining.

I guess it's good I'm exercising so as to not gain a drastic amount. But on the flip side I want, NEED, it to go down. I don't want to be chubby anymore, I DON'T.

I know what I need to do, I'm just scared to do it. NO MORE DESSERTS! I find if I don't eat even a little I don't crave it at all. I have to just get passed the initial temptation then I'm cool. Problem is, if I have 1 bite that's it, I eat it all and then some. AUGH!!! It's so frustrating.

Valentines

This was not a good weekend. Man, I think I horked down as many treats as I could. Chocolate cake, cheese cake, candy, hot chocolate. BLAH!!! I really need to throw out all those leftovers. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!! It was good while it lasted but MAN, I have got to be done.

Is there anyone out there who knows how to make it through Holidays, of any sort, with out overdoing it?

Jared, my hubby, is going out of town again for a few days. Sometimes that's better. We eat less BIG meals when he's gone, and I surprisingly get more exercise. I know...that does not make sense.

On a plus side, things are warming up around here, so when Jared does get home I plan on starting to walk Charlie a lot more. He needs it as much as I do, and I really need that alone time to whined down at the end of the day.

So that's where I'm at.

Sick Again

I got sick this weekend. Vomiting and diarrhea. The only positive thing of it all was I am no longer craving food that is bad for me. I'm using this time of healing to get rid of my sugar cravings, and rid myself of high fat cravings. I've been well for about a day and I still want to puke when I think of French Fries or Chocolate Cake.

On top of all that I'm also lowering my portions again. I find I eat just the same as my kids and I'm completely full. 2 Cups of Chef Salad and I'm completely satisfied. Not full, mind you, but you don't have to be full at every meal. I'm feeling so much healthier because I'm not stuffed to the max after every meal and feeling completely guilty because of it.

Today is my 3rd day of eating this way. I feel like if I can keep it up for a week I'll be good to go. But even though Valentines is looming around the corner I feel like I'm gonna be ok. I'll let you know.

Healthy Eating?

I have been exercising like crazy with this Firm DVD and I'm stiff all over, but it's not doing anything. I'm actually gaining weight. It makes NO sense to me. So I sit and look back on my days and here's when I find. TOO MUCH FOOD going in and not enough calories going out.

So I'm going to start tracking my calories for a few weeks till I get a handle on what I SHOULD be eating. How much and of what.

When Jared and I were first married he did some work for a wonderful lady named Sue Randleman. She was Italian and would always feed us the yummiest food. I remember 2 incidents very clearly. Once she opened a can of olives and asked if I wanted a snack. She then gave me half the can of olives. That's about 20 olives. I remember thinking, "Oh my Word! That's a lot. My Mom only aloud us 5 each to make sure we all got an even amount." But I ate them anyway to be polite.

Next incident. She fed us spaghetti for dinner. I remember thinking, "Yeah, there's no way she could make spaghetti bad for you." Boy was I wrong. She dished up all our plates and my spaghetti and sauce literally was a small mountain covering my entire plate. I thought, "There's no way I can eat this much!" And Jared said out loud, "Great I'm gonna have to eat all mine and half of yours."

Problem is I don't eat like I used to. This is actually how I eat now. And Miss Sue was no small lady. I think to myself, "That small amount of food is not enough for one person. I need more than that. My body can't survive off that small amount of food." Well it did when I was first married. And it should be able to now.

1500 Calories a day, that's what I should be eating. I just had 2 slices of toast and 1 Cup of milk and that worked out to 280 calories. That's WAY!!!! more than I thought that tiny breakfast would add up to.

Small Portions, Healthy Choices. That's the goal today.

The Firm Challenge

I just finished "Cardio Overdrive" from the Firm workout videos. It was tough, but not too tough. I think my body (and mind) still think I'm skinny. I can do everything those ladies were doing but for some reason I still look like my last post. I think it's just consistency. I'll do these workouts then take a 3 day break, then do them again. I have to do them everyday if I want to see a difference.

The Firm promises visual result after just 10 workouts. Promises! That just doesn't seem possible to me. But each of these workouts is 1 hour long. I bet I could do that every day, just for 10 days just to see if they are right. I'll try it. Then post another picture, and you can tell me if you see a difference.

Yuck!

It's kind of hard to deny you've put on a few pounds when your belly looks like this.
I know this isn't the most pleasant thing to look at. But I would like to say that I will not be going out in a bikini any time soon. Feel free to say thank you!

So I am changing my ways in as many areas as I can. Cutting back on portions, drinking LOTS more water, not so many night time snacking, MOVING MOVING MOVING! I know if I don't move I won't loose.

And I do NOT want to keep looking like this. I will post more pictures as improvement keeps coming.

Jillian Michaels

Oh how I hate/love her. For the last 3 days I have been doing her "30 Day Shred" video. And I am dieing. I am so sore it's not even funny. But on the plus side, I'm not as sore this morning as I have been the last 2 mornings. So I'm taking that as a good sign.

Exercise

I come from a family of rather large people. Seriously, everyone in my family is overweight if not obese. I have come to the conclusion that being fat has a lot to do with genes. But it also has a lot to do with NOT GETTING OFF YOUR BUTT!

So, here's what I've noticed thus far. When I exercise, I lose weight. When I don't exercise, I don't lose weight. Go figure.

So in other words, if I want to get back in shape and actually have a figure again, that's not round, I HAVE to move every day. And I don't mean taking the stairs, or parking a few spots further away than I'd prefer. I mean actual sweating, hard breathing, red in the face EXERCISE!

I'm not 100% not sick still but I'm far enough better that I'm able to do real exercise again. And I love it! I NEVER want to actually do it. So I have to force myself to put on my exercise clothes and shoes every time. But when I start to exercise, it is so nice. My mind gets clearer, I feel excited, and I feel more alive. And that natural high lasts quite a long time after the fact too. Oh, and I'm sleeping SO good at night. My body needs that recovery rest time and so it's shutting down a lot easier than it normally does, and I'm sleeping deeper. So I'm feeling much more rested in the morning.

So tell me again, what are the draw backs to exercise? I lose weight, I sleep great, and I feel awesome! No negatives there.

Ran a 5 K for the 1st Time

I went to the gym last night and ran 3.2 miles. That's a 5 K!!! I am very proud of myself for actually running that long, it took me about 40 mins, not that fast, but at least I finished. Then I cooled down on the bike for 20 mins. I love exercising for a LONG time when I actually have the time to do it.

I also played Wii Fitt Plus for 40 + mins yesturday afternoon.

So it all pays off in the end though, I lost 0.4 lbs in 4 days. That's awesome. I really think this proper portion sizes and actually exerciseing will probably work. I feel SO GOOD when I exercise. I love when I'm sore the next day, like I am right now.

Moving Forward.

Smaller Portions

As a kid I was raised to clean my plate or I wouldn't get dessert. Dessert became a reward and something I strived for. Hence my current horrible sweet tooth. But I digress.

I wanted to talk about portion sizes. I notice when I dish up my kids plates I give them rather small servings, THEN and only THEN, if they want more because they are still hungry, then we give them more. They are being taught to eat just the right amount and not too much from the start.

I think it's natural for everyone to eat what is served to them. We don't want to waste food. So we end up eating MORE than we want to, because we can't stand to throw it away. So today I tried dishing up my plate at lunch time to match my sons (he's 4). Not that we had the same amount, but the thought was in place. I gave myself a serving that I felt was much smaller than I was hungry for. Well, after eating that, leftover lasagna, plus 2 slices of bread and 2 large glasses of water...I was full.

This surprises me every time. I always expect to still be starving after eating such a small amount, but I'm not. I'm full, not overflowing stuffed like normal, but full...and satisfied.

I prefer that feeling to the feelings stuffed brings. When I'm stuffed I feel bloated, tired, guilty, yuck, embarrassed and WAY self conscious. And this is even when I'm just eating Mac and Cheese for lunch with my kids. Mac and Cheese is not even that good, why would anyone gorge themselves on it. But...sometimes I do.

When my 2nd child was born I was in the hospital for 4 days afterwards (I'd had a C-section). They always gave me a menu to chose from for each meal. I remember when they brought me my first meal and the slice of pie that was for desert I wanted to just laugh at. It was most definitely a "Sliver." Well, after eating like that for 4 days, that's 12 meals, my body adjusted. That's all I needed. And really, shouldn't we only eat what we need, not necessarily what we WANT, especially when you're trying to lose weight.

So for the next week I'm going to try to feed myself MUCH smaller portions. Portions that look WAY too small, but in the back of my head I know will still fill me up.

Sick, but Losing

My toddler got me sick yesterday and I am feeling like a truck ran over me. My back hurts, my arms are sore, my legs don't move right and I am just way stinking tired. I really wanted to take Charlie on a walk tonight, but I'm not sure I could even make it to the mail box. My kids go back to school tomorrow, and I am really glad. I don't think I'll have the energy tomorrow to do more than sit on the couch with my also sick toddler and watch movies. YUCK!

I never know if it helps to exercise through an illness. But in my opinion if I'm exercising my body is using all it's sources to work on my muscles instead of getting rid of my virus. Therefore logic puts it that I'm going to be sicker longer. So if I just hang low for a few days, rest and relax I'll get more out of my work outs when I feel better AND I'll actually want to exercise BECAUSE I feel better.

Fresh Air

I just took my dog, Charlie, on a 2 mile walk. It's 3:00 in the afternoon and my hubby is home because it's Saturday. I usually only get to walk at night because I am a Mommy after all. But a nice, brisk, fresh air, sunny walk was wonderful. Charlie really enjoyed it and was wanting to run at the end, which he never wants to do. We both are better for it.

I'm feeling a bit tired at the moment, and a little cold. But mostly thirsty. Too much traffic on the roads during the day, but it was still fun.

New Year, New Me

I woke up this morning and turned on some music. Did a little dancing in front of the mirror and discovered some not so good things. My Arms! It kind of hit me right then. They are fat and looking more and more like my Moms every day.

I weighed in this morning at 157. When I graduated from HS I weighed 120. When I got married I weighed 125. I am 5 ft 6 in tall and 37 lbs overweight. That may not seem like a lot but looking at my arms this morning I am definitely seeing something I don't want to see.

I have to do something about this. Less intake, More moving. It's the only way.

I used to look at fat people and wonder how they let themselves get to that point. "Don't they know how to lose it?" But now I understand. It's a complete lifestyle change.

I used to be so active at 120 lbs. Bike riding, running, strength training, dancing, roller blading, hiking...etc. The list was endless. But that was when I was single. I have 4 kids now, all under 9 years old. So life is a little more busy. But I have to find a way.

I need to know how to balance my Health along side raising my family. I know it's possible, but I have to find what works for me. I don't just want to be skinny and hot. I want to be healthy and active, which I'm not.

Wish me luck with the New Year.